The Value of a Positive Mindset
Chris Meyer from Siegburg, Germany co parents Jade, his 7 year old daughter with cerebral palsy. Chris describes himself as a Dad with Passion. In this feature podcast and blog he candidly discusses the challenges of raising a child with a disability on a marriage. He and Jade often team up to host motivational seminars throughout Germany that teach positive mindset. Chris provides so much value with his positive mindset strategies that I included the meat and potatoes of his Raising Kellan Podcast transcript into this blog. So let's dive in.
Chris Meyer's Story.
It is Jade and my mission, to inspire and motivate people with disability to develop a positive mindset This is our story.
I said to my girlfriend that I would be so proud to have a child by the age of 40. I would be even more proud if it's a girl. So I had my child at the age of 40, and it was a girl. A beautiful girl, and everything was fine. The first year everything went great, you know, we were really proud and it was a really great time.
Chris Meyer
But then the other kids started to crawl, sit, and get up. And we recognize that Jade couldn't even sit, and then we went to the doctor, and the doctor said: "In a child like Jade who is born three months early, they normally take longer to develop and this will come later." At two the other children were already walking and running but Jade couldn't even sit. We were like, totally alarmed.
We went to the doctor and then we get the diagnosis of cerebral palsy. This was like a shock for us. We went to the PT and they told us that our child would probably walk by age of four or five years. We are totally shocked. You always tell yourself when you have a child, the child has to be healthy, everything else doesn't matter.
Chris and his daughter Jade
Diagnosis of Cerebral Palsy
We were like totally lost.
There were times where we cried a lot because we were worried about our child and it was like a really, really tough time for our relationship as well. The next step was that Jade got seizures as well and that was the second problem we got in the life of our daughter. She got like 16 seizures, one lasted 40 minutes, and another nearly 20 minutes. We had to go to the clinic and the Children's Hospital. So we got like, really packed with this stuff and we were totally in a depression.
You could even say that there were times I could not even sleep longer than two or three hours in the night. You just function and you go to the job.
Game Changer
I'm holding speeches here in Germany as well about our transformation, about our positive mindset, and how we developed this mind set. I always tell them that my game changer was that I was sitting in the car. I was crying because I feared the world would never be like, I imagined it could be for us as family. While I was crying, there was a special really great friend of mine calling and she said: "Hey Chris, what's going on? Why are you crying?"
And I said: "Well, you know, I can handle the situation quite well. But once a while, like this moment, I am aware that I can not go to gymnastics with Jade (I was a good gymnast), you know, and I wanted her to do this as well. I can't go with her to gymnastics, I can't go with her to skiing." And I was like counting 10 things that I can't do with Jade.
And she said: "Chris, listen to me. These are all things that you want to do with your daughter, Jade. She's totally happy. And maybe she doesn't even want to go with you skiing or go to gymnastics."And then I was like thinking who got the damn problem right now? Yeah. Is it all about me or is it all about Jade?
Transformation
I was just looking at what makes me happy. And what are my dreams? And in this moment, I learned change your focus, and you change your life. So I took the focus away from myself to my daughter, and I look at her needs, her wishes, and her dreams. So this was the first key. And so we moved on and I was always looking at how I can support her, you know and help her. One time we were at a barbecue party with friends. And she was mobile with the stroller(walker). And we were sitting on the on the bank having cool drinks, barbecue, and the kids were playing football, you know? And I remember that she asked: "Hey, I would like to play football as well." A boy heard her talking to me and he said: "You can't play football." And then I told Jade: "Do you want to play football?" And she said: "Yeah, but you listen to this guy. He is right boy, I can't walk." I told Jade: "Don't let anybody tell you that you can't do anything, even if I tell you that"
Positive Mindset and Modeling Behavior
We went to the city and then Jade had to stroller(walker) and the kids were asking: "Hey mom, Hey dad, What does that child have there?" Some families say don't look. Some say she can't walk really good and this helps her and others were just stunned and didn't know what to say. And my favorite was always be happy that you don't need this.
And then I went to the children and I said:" Do you know what this is?" They said: "What?" I said: "This is a Ferrari", and it was red like a Ferrari. This was always Jade's sentence. And then the kid went to to the parents and said: "Hey, I want this Ferrari." We say we love the life and the life loves us . I always recognize and that makes me really sad that a lot of parents are depressed and frustrated, and that needs to be there. But then you have to kick yourself and you on and be positive. I know it's hard. But but this is a development. Why do you have to do this development because the children always look at the parents. And they look their habits, and they look at how they act. And guess what, if you're always depressed, and if you're always down, your child will not have the chance to be a Miss Sunshine like Jade or to have this mindset and see the positive in life. Because the children always look at their parents and model their behavior.
Strategies to Maintain a Positive Mindset
My relationship with Jade's mom broke up but we are still a great team, you know. For Jade, we lived here together for four years, even we are not together anymore. It's more like brother and sister. And I always tell the people a doctor told us that almost 70% of the relationship, who got this kind of crisis with the children, break up. We said 70% ,okay, we belong to it. It's hard for the relationship because you always have the focus on the children? We managed to be there for Jade with all our positive energy. And we can do this because we always take our time outs. I go, for instance, swimming for half an hour before I go to work. I go once a year alone on vacation and I think this is like really important that you get time for yourself, so you get new energy for the next war and strife. If you are always struggling and in this crisis, it doesn't work. So you need to make your Timeout.
You can follow Chris Meyer on Facebook or Instagram @jade_und_chris. We look forward to updating you on this inspirational dad and daughter team.